By James Breen
This year marks the 20th anniversary of my graduation from high school. That still seems weird to me, but what I think is weirder is the growing apathy about attending high school reunions. I graduated from one of the big high schools in the Northwest suburbs of Houston, in a class of roughly 640 from a school of roughly 3000, and less than 10% of my graduating class showed up to our 10-year reunion. Not everyone stayed for the photo, but you can see it’s not a great turnout, particularly considering some of those people are spouses. Comparing notes with friends from different parts of the country, this appears to be fairly typical now.
But it wasn’t always.
Let’s back up though — what is the point of a high school reunion? High school tends to be cliquey to begin with, and in this modern age of social media, you’ve probably done a reasonable job of keeping up with the people you spent the most time with. Moreover, your HS class probably has a Facebook page, Discord forum, or something for the people who want to stay in touch to use regularly. But I’ll bet that whatever it is doesn’t get a lot of activity any random week. I would actually argue that this makes sense and is okay, as the primary purpose of such an alumni group is to broadcast and organize things relevant to that specific community — like a charity fundraiser, or a class reunion.
I get the impression that, because people can use social media, they don't feel like HS reunions matter anymore. “I can and do keep up with the handful of people I cared about staying in touch with, so I don't need or want to spend an evening with the rest of you.” The general inactivity of these online spaces serves as evidence to this point, but as of yet there is no widespread digital activity that can replicate a large group of people all getting in a room and interacting with each other as they prefer. Despite Zuckerberg’s best efforts, to really get that feeling, you’ll need to find a local bar, ballroom, or even the school gym.
Which is to say, the point of a high school reunion is to preserve and foster our sense of community, specifically the community of our youth. “COMMUNITY?!” I hear you shouting into your depression generator, “I don’t even like most of these people, that was the worst four years of my life!” First off, I’m sorry; high school often isn’t the best four years some describe it as (I’m also sorry if it was for you), but people and communities change and grow over time and you never know who you were to someone. We are often noticed more than we assume, but contrary to our expectations we are generally perceived more positively than we expect. Researchers have dubbed this the Liking Gap.
I was the student who had his hand in the air, confident in my answer, almost every time — no matter how many B’s I got — and I was fascinated by the kids who never said a word and made straight A’s. I was too intimidated to so much as talk to them, much less ask how they can know the answer and keep it to themselves when no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t keep my mouth shut for half a class! Reunions are a place to bump into that person you admired from afar (or vice versa) and finally tell them that story. To reminisce about the idiots we all used to be and revel in stories that are just as, if not more, funny now than they were then.
I don’t mean to be Pollyannaish. There are definitely going to be people in your class who haven’t changed, who were bullying trolls then and are bullying trolls now. They’ll show up in the comments section to harass whichever brave soul has decided to spearhead the organizing effort for your class. Usually they’re the kind that are too scared or just too busy to show up to the actual event, too — but if they do show up, they’ll probably more or less behave themselves. Small diverse groups like a high school reunion class tend to self-moderate fairly well. You can always stick to the opposite side of the room, and if worst comes to worst you can go somewhere else with the lovely people you’re talking to.
That’s right, I’m assuming you’ve got a couple of your besties there with you. You should plan on going if for no other reason than to have a great night out with several of your best friends where planning is someone else’s problem and you benefit from a large group rate.
When was the last time you successfully scheduled something with your friends? Plural! Personally, I struggle to schedule one friend, with how fast my and everyone else’s calendars fill up, nevermind spouses or other people too. I have a double date on my calendar that has had to be rescheduled FOUR times in as many months. Your high school reunion is an excellent opportunity for everyone to clear their calendars for an evening and have some fun, even if you only intend to hang out with your clique. Odds are good you’ve lost track of someone that you actually really like and you’ll strike up a conversation.
I’ll admit I went to my ten-year reunion mostly out of a sense of duty than any particular expectation of value or enjoyment. High school felt more like a random sampling of four years of my life, filled out with a smattering of activities, than any big central thing I specifically needed or wanted to revisit. But I was really glad that I went, because both of the things I talked about above happened to me. A friend of mine and I lost touch when we went to different colleges, and despite us both coming back to Houston to start our careers, it wasn’t until our 10-year HS reunion that we finally reconnected. Now we get together every couple months for a guys’ night out. It used to be more, but then kids entered the picture (see above about life and calendars).
I had a conversation with a girl I thought of as out of my league, because she’d been looking forward to finding out what happened to me. I wasn’t single at the time so nothing came of it, but being a nerdy guy (despite, or perhaps because of, being a tennis player), it was quite the ego boost!
This is the part where we re-enact a scene from The Fellowship of the Ring where you as Strider (aka Aragorn) tell me I’ve had my breakfast reunion already, and I sound like Pippin responding that, “We’ve had one, yes. But what about second breakfast reunion?” And maybe you’re the same way. Like a movie sequel, your knee-jerk reaction may be, “Yeah, I went, no need to do that again” — especially if you’re in a particularly busy season of life, such as having young kids.
But that’s a mistake. They keep making Rocky movies (Creed counts) for the same reason NCIS is going on season 24: because the audience wants to know what’s happened to the characters since the last time we saw them. I couldn’t possibly keep up with everyone I went to high school with whom I thought were cool or interesting, but getting together for a once-a-decade party to compare the major notes of life sounds like exactly the right pace.
A divorced father and man of faith, James is an Engineer who’s favorite bridge building is between people towards each other and the truth. In his little spare time, he enjoys solving puzzles and spelunking in nerd universes, but he sometimes bowls or plays tennis too.
Member comments